Fall camp is right around the corner. The boys took a year off because they felt bad watching NDSU shit the bed at home in the playoffs. It just doesn’t feel right when the targeted spot of #1 isn’t held by teh bisons. Now that order has been restored in the FCS world teh Fighting Hawks are rested and ready to piss in your cereal.
For some reason we aren’t ranked in the top 5 preseason again this year. Is Craig asleep at the fucking wheel?
Coaching:
HC- OK fine, Bubba had a down year in 2017, I’ll give Kleiman the slight edge thanks to Tyler Roehl.
Advantage-NDSU
OC- Rudolph is the most hated UND coordinator I can ever remember. The dude is public enemy number one with our fans. The shit flows downstream right on top of his head after every game. As usual you dumb fucks love to complain about OCs. It’s like famers, always finding something with the weather to bitch about. Messingham rests atop a throne of sprinkles, I was the first one on this cesspool of a website to say it and after a few games some of you simpletons got in line. I can’t support a coach who doesn’t throw a screen pass to the most explosive open field player in the national at any level. So I guess that means Mr. Sprinkles get the edge here.
Advantage- NDSU
DC- Matt Entz has been the beneficiary of some spectacular LB play during his time at NDSU. Will this year be different? OF course not, teh bison just reload, I mean you guys just kill it with recruiting. Eric Schmidt is the man, his defense sucked a big ol cock last year after the injury to Donnel Rodgers and the rest of the MLBs.
Advantage-UND
OFFENSE:
QB:
Is Easton Stick still hanging around elementary schools selling candy with his pedostache?
He’s probably got the starting position locked down. Henry VanDabbin has got to be the top backup this year. I mean you can see the smoke trail behind the ball when he rips one. Definitely my favorite player on the rasta, just so chill. However, Tre Lance is the new best QB on campus. Ever since he committed, lotion sales in the FM area have sky rocketed, as have views of his HS highlights. Merely a coincidence I’m sure, sick fucks.
UND has a three way battle going into fall camp for QB. That said, Nate Ketteringham will be the starter. He has starting experience from Sac St and has all the tools you want in a QB. He’s 6’3” 210lbs so he can actually see over his OL, a luxury that our last qb did not have. Dude is absolutely dripping with potential. His backup will likely be the gun slinging backup from last year Andrew Zimmerman. RFR Brock Boltman has had rave reviews since he stepped on campus drawing comparisons to Danny Freund, only with a stronger arm. This is the best our qb room has looked since 2012 so an injury to the starter won’t completely ruin our season like it did in 2015.
Advantage- UND, there’s nothing more sexy than potential
FB:
We suck. Advantage-NDSU
RB:
All of a sudden Bruce Anderson is an NFL prospect? Bullshit. Lance Dunn was the better back before he wrecked his hip. Bruce is a really good back, don’t get me wrong. He’s just not a game breaker. All of his plays are the product of superior blocking. Dunn, on the other hand, has a little more shake to him and can make a play out of nothing. I wonder if he’ll be the same player after the hip issue. Seth Wilson is the best football player of the bunch. He’ll probably have a decent year this year and break out the next, unless there is another injury to Dunn or Anderson. Brooks will continue to be Diet Santiago for you guys. Will Cofield make an appearance this year? Has anyone seen Purifoy? It’s a solid crew.
UND returns the best open field player in the nation at any level in John Santiago. Three time all American. I’ve heard that we may throw a screen pass for the first time in 4 years. If we do, look out, Santiago will shred teams. Our other starter, Oliveira is a complete horse. 225lbs of Brazilian Vegan rage. There’s also the 230lb Johanneson as a change of pace guy. We’re loaded at RB. 3 all conference level backs, two all American level backs. Yea, It’s nice.
Advantage-UND because, we’re just better.
TE:
UND has finally rounded into form at this position. Alex Cloyd is an NFL athlete, really big strong kid who can run block and catch. Former wrestling champ in HS. We need to feed this beast. Luke Fiedler uses his long hair and skinny arms to confuse opponents before he locks on for a devastating block. He’s a pretty good receiver as well but won’t run away from anyone. Good ol Hunter Pinke from Wishek is a big ol ND boy who is physical on the edge and can leak out for a big gainer from time to time. Word on the street is RSFR Graham DeVore will be the h-back from hell. He’s very athletic and a mean bastard in blocking. He’s kinda like Andrew Bonnet except he’s more athletic and like girls.
OMG NDSU has sooooooo many TEs. They could all start for, like, any other team. Why the fuck would you take 5 TEs in one class? Are you fucking stupid? “Derr but we use them so much on the edge for blocking derr.” Morans. Anyway Nate Jensen is a big goofy fuck.
Ben Ellefson, wait, you mean thee Ben Ellefson? I thought he went to Purdue. He’s apparently gonna blow up this year for 17 catches and 9 TDs. But will he block? Of course, that’s all he does. Noah Gindroff and Josh Babicz are supposed to be the second comings of, well, you guys have never really produced a TE prospect before so I’ve got nothing for you here.
Advantage: UND-
it's the hair
WR:
Urzenblobski is gone. That means Stick won’t be able to lock on to his boy and Sean Engle is going to have to rise to the occasion, like, really really high and use those sticky, stickiest of the icky, gloves to bring value to the position. Shepherd is still a stud, just not that fast or that tall. Christian Watson? More like
Rand Watson amiright? Is he the next tall WR prospect that you guys will drool over? Still waiting for you guys to unleash Desmond Kane. I hear he’s really really good. Dimitri Williams will probably have a career high 12 receptions this year. Talk about a hot take! Phoenix Sproles will probably have his shirt pulled to contribute on special teams. Nice.
This year we will have some shorter fast guys to add to our church basketball league looking WR corps. Noah Wanzek is a stud. He looks like a hapless doofus but when the ball is in the air he is an animal. 6’4” 210lbs of pasty greatness. Travis Toivonen is still the slowest WR in the nation, but he’s got good hands, so there’s that. Luke Stanley is a stallion but he missed most of last year with a knee injury. This year he will be back to devastating DBs in the run game and hovering up everything thrown his way. Mikey Greibel came in with much fan fare as a fr. He’s minute in stature but totally ripped bro. This year he will be our slot guru Wes Welker style. Watch out for Cam McKinney, I hear he’s every bit as fast as Santiago. He could be the deep threat we’ve been lacking the last couple of seasons. Dark horse WR is true fr Garret Maag. Word on the street is he came in at 6’5” and around 225lbs. He’s got freaky orangutan arms and runs like a deer. He’s gonna be a player.
Advantage-UND by 440 Zenners
OL:
Teh rams were really solid last year,
we’ll see if they can make room for Dillon Radunz who is only 23 years away from being inducted in Canton. But first he needs to not average an ACL tear per game. I hear he’s good. Collin Conner had surgery on both hips? You fucking kidding me? Is he gonna slide over to LG? Can he even physically slide? Cordel Volson is a dark horse on the OL. He's just another big dumb ND brute who will sweat on his opponents til they don’t like football anymore. Tanner “Squidward” Volson is a lock at center. Zack Johnson is on his, what, 9th year of eligibility? Anyone at the NCAA care about this? 297 lbs of bacon at RG? Mmmmmmm, sounds good to me.
The Hogs were a fucking mess last year. We ended up starting a shit ton of fr and a guy who can’t get his weight over 270lbs. The good news is that those fr got a ton of really good experience, had a nice winter and are going to be much better off this year. Noah Mortel is a lock at LT for the next 3 years. Dudes a hoss at 6’6” 310lbs but has sweet feet. He was the one fr who more than held his own last year. Ryan Tobin is the walking definition of
a big ugly and he plays like it. Complete junkyard dawg inside. He and Mortel with hold down the left side til they graduate. Patrick Rooney will start at OC, nothing really special about him. He did get ejected for fighting last year so he’s a bastard, which I do like. Speaking of bastards, Grant Aplin is just mean. Honestly I wish he would play DL because he’s really short for an OL but what do I know. RT is a huge question, Nate Nguon, who is a mobile guard, will probably be the guy. I’d rather see him inside but we don’t really have a guy who is ready to hold down the edge at this point. A Dark Horse, barring injury recovery, is Connor Kruse. He’s the kind of guy that is literally fills an entire door frame. He’s huge but hasn’t had the reps yet to reveal his potential.
Advantage-NDSU with the assumption that Radunz and Connor don’t fall apart.
Overall- NDSU thanks to Mr Sprinkles
Re: Playoff Matchup 2018
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Originally Posted by thebigund
