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Thread: Playoff Matchup 2017

  1. #1
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    Default Playoff Matchup 2017

    Just when you thought I forgot to perform the only task I was put on this God forsaken planet to do I finally got over NDSU's 6th consecutive national title and mustered up the gusto to limp my way through yet another attempt to teach you lot to not breathe with your mouths. Whew, inhale, through your nose. Anyway we enter this season ranked #5 by Craig Haley, a reward for last season's playoff dominance no doubt. NDSU comes in at #1 as any defending national champ should. Craig is so smart. It seems inevitable that the NCAA will match our teams up in the playoffs this year. It will be a game of epic proportions; a true heavyweight bout. It's not so much the David and Goliath that the last game was.... more like The Mountain vs The Hound or Tyrion Lannister vs syphilis.

    Coaching:
    HC: Bubbles is better get over it.
    OC: Rudolph vs Polesuck was a true head to head smashfest of incompetence; the jet sweep into the near sideline vs the double reverse drive killer. Somehow that neanderthal dragged his knuckles down to the Hawkeye state in a bizarre twist where someone deserving a demotion actually got a huge promotion. We now have to deal with teh Messinghams Effects. Seriously though, what the fuck is that? Anyway Messingham's Revenge will definitely occur if you drink the tap water at the Fargo Loaf. In other words, this one is an explosive push followed by some vomit and maybe a shomit if you're lucky.
    DC: Schmidty vs Entz? Apparently, according to Jeff and Dom, the other Jeff and something called Jorgie, Entz was handed the keys to a Ferrari for this season. The only way he screws this up is if he's been taking driving lessons from Caitlyn Jenner. Schmidty is the man, he was a better player than Entz and is a better coach.

    Overall: teh FHawkers

    Offense:

    QB:Hockey Stick still looks like a 220 lb 12 year old boy but throws the ball about as well as a 14 year old girl. He can run though, so there's that. He hasn't lost many games but he's just not that good of a QB..... compared to Carson Wentz. My boy Heny VanDerDellen is now the best QB on campus. That's right. That's a hot take right there. Cole Davids is going to be the best 3rd string QB in the nation. BOOM DOUBLE HOT TAKE!

    Keaton Studsrud can throw , he can run, he can stare down his primary WR better than Dante Culpepper, and he can get injured better than Derrick Rose. What a stud. Andrew Spicoli Zimmerman is an EWU transfer and the presumed backup. Brad Heidlebaugh is next after him and with his mechanics our best hope is that he doesn't need to play this year and can switch positions next season. Seriously, Tebow has better mechanics.

    Advantage: NDSU, only because of my boy VanDerDellen.

    RB: Oh, boy, this is about to get heated.
    Bruce Anderson and Lance Dunn will try and get there Ojuri/Crockett on this year. Here's a hint, they won't. The OL aint shit compared to what Ojuri and Crockett had. Anyway Bruce is big and fast and strong and made of glass. He's really good when healthy. People seem to think Dunn is going to be an all american this year. He's damn fast and thicker than anyone would guess. We'll see on all that but he's a really good player. I've heard people compare Purifoy to David Johnson. Well, I'd like to tell all of you dreamers that you're fucked in the head and he aint even half the player David Johnson, you know, the top RB in the fucking NFL, was at UNI. Just stop with all that noise. What's next? Cofield is the next Lamar Gordon? Kleiman must be a big fan of John Santiago because he's trying to make Ty Brooks into him. He looked pretty good in your spring game so I'm sure he will be the waterbug de jour. He's a ND boy so I can't cheer against him. The way I see it, 3 very good backs and some backups with apparently mythical potential.

    Last year we had a two headed monster with John Santiago and Brady Olivera. We then added James Johannesson, only because NDSU didn't have any pesos for the poor schmuck, to create a 3 headed monster. A hydra.... minus 6 heads, if you will. So you're telling me we have the most shifty and explosive RB in the country, a bruising Canadian battering ram, and a 6'1" 230+ blazing fast B1G transfer all in one backfield?

    Advantage: obviously UND

    TE: Luke "Thor" Feidler is 6'5" 250 lbs, 30 of which are his golden flowing locks. He's got long skinny arms and looks like he isn't worth a shit in the run game, until he locks on and seals the edge. Don't let the hair and the soft skin fool you, this chick is a killer. Alex Cloyd was the first TE to play as a true fr since Jimmy Kleinsasssser. He came in built like a senior. A wrestling stud from Nebraska. You hear that Christopher Moen? Wildcard is Hunter Pinke out of good ol Wishek, he's gonna be a good one.

    First off, what the fuck are you guys doing with 10 TEs on your roster? Is this part of Messingham's Revenge? Jeff Illies is apparently majoring in biker meth. He's either a small TE or a slow WR, take your pick. Ben Ellefson fell to NDSU like manna from heaven.... and didn't have a single catch last year. He "was a key blocker for NDSU" so there's that. That dirty cheap shot giving cock sucker Conner Wentz is still around? Good. Nate Jensen is a tall goofy looking bastard. He's a good redzone matchup because he's tall and so goofy looking that nobody takes him seriously. Think Gindorth with get his shirt pulled? I hear he's pretty good.

    Advantage: NDSU.... for now

    OL: AJ Stockwell has started is going to be a 4 year starter at LT. Demon Taylor is a pre season first team RG. LG/CGrant Aplin is a 6' 300lb meat missile. C Patrick Rooney looks like a pile of goose shit but is actually good at football. Elijah Grady....... didn't report to camp.... soooooo Matt Molasses In January Cox might have to start at RT unless a RS FR steps up. Fuck. Either way, 4 returning starters is pretty good. If we lock down the RT spot look out. Candidates for that position are Noah Mortel, a supremely athletic cheese head and Bryce Blair who literally cannot get above 280lbs. Other than RT our OL is rock solid.

    Teh rams have a bunch of question marks coming into this season. However, RG Austin Kuhnert is a 4 year starter and all around bad dude. RT Zack Johnson is on his 9th year of eligibility now? Seriously. OC Tanner Volson will attempt to fill the large shoes of Kuhnert. LT Dillon Radunz is covered in drool from Jeremy Jorgensen's gushing sessions on the insiders. That man has a sick obsession with this young man and you can hear his pants straining with tension when he talks about him. Maybe he can give flying lessons at UND after Radunz files a restraining order? Will Zack Zeimer finally earn a starting roll with teh rams at LG?

    Advantage: The Hogs - experience trumps drool soaked potential

    WR: RJ Urbandunski is finally a senior. Not gonna lie, he hasn't improved one bit since he was a fr. Sure he was a stud as a fr but I figured he would have improved at least a little bit. Tell you what though, I love me some Darrius Shepherd. He is a baller. Sure he's not big or all that fast but he gets the job done and is a big game playmaker. Sean Engel is like soon talllll. So Engel if is the white Dee Grey who is the white Kenny Golladay? Wow, who the fuck are these other guys? I've heard of Dimitri Williams but he's ass. These other guys were obviously too good to play for UND though so I'm sure they're all future all americans. You guys better hope Desmond Cain is all that.

    Stanley Toivonen Wanzek Mercer. 6'4, 6'3, 6'4, 6'2. Stanley is ol reliable and at 230lbs blocks like a damn TE on the edge. Toivonen is slow as shit but he's a big boy with some strong mits who can also block. Wanzek is an absolute stud. Last year he weighed about 175 lbs and was able to play as a true fr and make spectacular catches all over the field. He's up to 200 lbs now. DBs are in trouble. Mercer didn't factor in to the offense really until the last 5 games after transferring over in the summer. He's got size and speed and was our go to WR down the stretch last year. He now actually knows the offense so expect a big year out of him. The weakness of this very pale basketball team is deep speed to keep safeties honest. Enter Cam McKinney. Word on the street is he is faster than Santiago. IF he can be a true deep threat our offense will be a buzzsaw. Throw in Danny Amendola look alike Josh Seibel and we've got a complete set of WR.

    Advantage: UND - 5 proven guys > 2

    Overall: UND - we've just got more experience and talent

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Playoff Matchup 2017

    too long didn't read........... NDSU > UND

  3. #3
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    Default Re: Playoff Matchup 2017

    Quote Originally Posted by thebigund View Post
    Just when you thought I forgot to perform the only task I was put on this God forsaken planet to do I finally got over NDSU's 6th consecutive national title and mustered up the gusto to limp my way through yet another attempt to teach you lot to not breathe with your mouths. Whew, inhale, through your nose. Anyway we enter this season ranked #5 by Craig Haley, a reward for last season's playoff dominance no doubt. NDSU comes in at #1 as any defending national champ should. Craig is so smart. It seems inevitable that the NCAA will match our teams up in the playoffs this year. It will be a game of epic proportions; a true heavyweight bout. It's not so much the David and Goliath that the last game was.... more like The Mountain vs The Hound or Tyrion Lannister vs syphilis.

    Coaching:
    HC: Bubbles is better get over it.
    OC: Rudolph vs Polesuck was a true head to head smashfest of incompetence; the jet sweep into the near sideline vs the double reverse drive killer. Somehow that neanderthal dragged his knuckles down to the Hawkeye state in a bizarre twist where someone deserving a demotion actually got a huge promotion. We now have to deal with teh Messinghams Effects. Seriously though, what the fuck is that? Anyway Messingham's Revenge will definitely occur if you drink the tap water at the Fargo Loaf. In other words, this one is an explosive push followed by some vomit and maybe a shomit if you're lucky.
    DC: Schmidty vs Entz? Apparently, according to Jeff and Dom, the other Jeff and something called Jorgie, Entz was handed the keys to a Ferrari for this season. The only way he screws this up is if he's been taking driving lessons from Caitlyn Jenner. Schmidty is the man, he was a better player than Entz and is a better coach.

    Overall: teh FHawkers

    Offense:

    QB:Hockey Stick still looks like a 220 lb 12 year old boy but throws the ball about as well as a 14 year old girl. He can run though, so there's that. He hasn't lost many games but he's just not that good of a QB..... compared to Carson Wentz. My boy Heny VanDerDellen is now the best QB on campus. That's right. That's a hot take right there. Cole Davids is going to be the best 3rd string QB in the nation. BOOM DOUBLE HOT TAKE!

    Keaton Studsrud can throw , he can run, he can stare down his primary WR better than Dante Culpepper, and he can get injured better than Derrick Rose. What a stud. Andrew Spicoli Zimmerman is an EWU transfer and the presumed backup. Brad Heidlebaugh is next after him and with his mechanics our best hope is that he doesn't need to play this year and can switch positions next season. Seriously, Tebow has better mechanics.

    Advantage: NDSU, only because of my boy VanDerDellen.

    RB: Oh, boy, this is about to get heated.
    Bruce Anderson and Lance Dunn will try and get there Ojuri/Crockett on this year. Here's a hint, they won't. The OL aint shit compared to what Ojuri and Crockett had. Anyway Bruce is big and fast and strong and made of glass. He's really good when healthy. People seem to think Dunn is going to be an all american this year. He's damn fast and thicker than anyone would guess. We'll see on all that but he's a really good player. I've heard people compare Purifoy to David Johnson. Well, I'd like to tell all of you dreamers that you're fucked in the head and he aint even half the player David Johnson, you know, the top RB in the fucking NFL, was at UNI. Just stop with all that noise. What's next? Cofield is the next Lamar Gordon? Kleiman must be a big fan of John Santiago because he's trying to make Ty Brooks into him. He looked pretty good in your spring game so I'm sure he will be the waterbug de jour. He's a ND boy so I can't cheer against him. The way I see it, 3 very good backs and some backups with apparently mythical potential.

    Last year we had a two headed monster with John Santiago and Brady Olivera. We then added James Johannesson, only because NDSU didn't have any pesos for the poor schmuck, to create a 3 headed monster. A hydra.... minus 6 heads, if you will. So you're telling me we have the most shifty and explosive RB in the country, a bruising Canadian battering ram, and a 6'1" 230+ blazing fast B1G transfer all in one backfield?

    Advantage: obviously UND

    TE: Luke "Thor" Feidler is 6'5" 250 lbs, 30 of which are his golden flowing locks. He's got long skinny arms and looks like he isn't worth a shit in the run game, until he locks on and seals the edge. Don't let the hair and the soft skin fool you, this chick is a killer. Alex Cloyd was the first TE to play as a true fr since Jimmy Kleinsasssser. He came in built like a senior. A wrestling stud from Nebraska. You hear that Christopher Moen? Wildcard is Hunter Pinke out of good ol Wishek, he's gonna be a good one.

    First off, what the fuck are you guys doing with 10 TEs on your roster? Is this part of Messingham's Revenge? Jeff Illies is apparently majoring in biker meth. He's either a small TE or a slow WR, take your pick. Ben Ellefson fell to NDSU like manna from heaven.... and didn't have a single catch last year. He "was a key blocker for NDSU" so there's that. That dirty cheap shot giving cock sucker Conner Wentz is still around? Good. Nate Jensen is a tall goofy looking bastard. He's a good redzone matchup because he's tall and so goofy looking that nobody takes him seriously. Think Gindorth with get his shirt pulled? I hear he's pretty good.

    Advantage: NDSU.... for now

    OL: AJ Stockwell has started is going to be a 4 year starter at LT. Demon Taylor is a pre season first team RG. LG/CGrant Aplin is a 6' 300lb meat missile. C Patrick Rooney looks like a pile of goose shit but is actually good at football. Elijah Grady....... didn't report to camp.... soooooo Matt Molasses In January Cox might have to start at RT unless a RS FR steps up. Fuck. Either way, 4 returning starters is pretty good. If we lock down the RT spot look out. Candidates for that position are Noah Mortel, a supremely athletic cheese head and Bryce Blair who literally cannot get above 280lbs. Other than RT our OL is rock solid.

    Teh rams have a bunch of question marks coming into this season. However, RG Austin Kuhnert is a 4 year starter and all around bad dude. RT Zack Johnson is on his 9th year of eligibility now? Seriously. OC Tanner Volson will attempt to fill the large shoes of Kuhnert. LT Dillon Radunz is covered in drool from Jeremy Jorgensen's gushing sessions on the insiders. That man has a sick obsession with this young man and you can hear his pants straining with tension when he talks about him. Maybe he can give flying lessons at UND after Radunz files a restraining order? Will Zack Zeimer finally earn a starting roll with teh rams at LG?

    Advantage: The Hogs - experience trumps drool soaked potential

    WR: RJ Urbandunski is finally a senior. Not gonna lie, he hasn't improved one bit since he was a fr. Sure he was a stud as a fr but I figured he would have improved at least a little bit. Tell you what though, I love me some Darrius Shepherd. He is a baller. Sure he's not big or all that fast but he gets the job done and is a big game playmaker. Sean Engel is like soon talllll. So Engel if is the white Dee Grey who is the white Kenny Golladay? Wow, who the fuck are these other guys? I've heard of Dimitri Williams but he's ass. These other guys were obviously too good to play for UND though so I'm sure they're all future all americans. You guys better hope Desmond Cain is all that.

    Stanley Toivonen Wanzek Mercer. 6'4, 6'3, 6'4, 6'2. Stanley is ol reliable and at 230lbs blocks like a damn TE on the edge. Toivonen is slow as shit but he's a big boy with some strong mits who can also block. Wanzek is an absolute stud. Last year he weighed about 175 lbs and was able to play as a true fr and make spectacular catches all over the field. He's up to 200 lbs now. DBs are in trouble. Mercer didn't factor in to the offense really until the last 5 games after transferring over in the summer. He's got size and speed and was our go to WR down the stretch last year. He now actually knows the offense so expect a big year out of him. The weakness of this very pale basketball team is deep speed to keep safeties honest. Enter Cam McKinney. Word on the street is he is faster than Santiago. IF he can be a true deep threat our offense will be a buzzsaw. Throw in Danny Amendola look alike Josh Seibel and we've got a complete set of WR.

    Advantage: UND - 5 proven guys > 2

    Overall: UND - we've just got more experience and talent
    Good ol college try. You get an " A " for that one thebigund.
    Looking forward to Summit & MVFC

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Playoff Matchup 2017

    What round will we play the Bunnies in this year?
    Bisonville FCS Survivor Pick Em Champs
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    Default Re: Playoff Matchup 2017

    Quote Originally Posted by ndsubison1 View Post
    What round will we play the Bunnies in this year?
    You will play them the round before we play them at the Hawk's Nest
    Looking forward to Summit & MVFC

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    Default Re: Playoff Matchup 2017

    Quote Originally Posted by barnwintersportsengelstad View Post
    You will play them the round before we play them at the Hawk's Nest
    now they are letting 7-4 at large teams host 9-2 seeded teams?
    College of Business Alumnus

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    Default Re: Playoff Matchup 2017

    Quote Originally Posted by ByeSonBusiness View Post
    now they are letting 7-4 at large teams host 9-2 seeded teams?
    You may have the 4 loses, SDSU beats you twice, E Wash gets you early, and then one more slip. We'll have to wait and see.
    Looking forward to Summit & MVFC

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    Default Re: Playoff Matchup 2017



    Cute
    Quote Originally Posted by GOD
    Hail the Bison!

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    Default Re: Playoff Matchup 2017

    Playoffs !! Playoffs!! Un_ is talking about playoffs!! Jim Mora there new coach. I guess Grady will plow the road for them this year. Almost sure one coach up there will get in trouble for kiddy porn since it is rampant up there. The ghosts of Mussman still haunts the tin shed. See you in 2019 and not sooner.
    Last edited by Mr Meaty; 08-03-2017 at 12:48 PM.
    "Sometimes a concept is baffling not because it is profound but because it is wrong" E. O. Wilson

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  10. #10
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    Default Re: Playoff Matchup 2017

    How many committees did it take to come up with this "analysis"?

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