Hagerott has Resigned
---Breaking---
NDUS Chancellor Mark Hagerott is resigning effective 5 PM today, Friday, July 22nd.
"After fully reviewing the NDUS, I have realized that being paid nearly $400,000 a year as chancellor is a scam being perpetrated on the North Dakota taxpayer," said Hagerott.
"Literally anyone can do my job. It doesn't make sense for me to be paid such a large amount to do it," remarked the Chancellor who has been in the position a little over a year.
He went on to add, "I'm all but convinced that given the strength of the organization and its 11 universities, anyone, and I mean anyone, can do this job."
Hagerott shared a list of three individuals he hopes to apply for the job: Kathy Neset, current chair of the State Board of Higher Education; Bob Skarphol legislator, and higher education critic and micromanager extraordinaire; and Larry (last name omitted), afternoon and weeknight attendent, Gold Coin Carwash.
The only one of the three available for comment was Larry who stated that he Hadn't really thought about it. "Not sure I'm interested, I'd like a bit of a challenge if I take a new job. From my what I've heard, you're basically cog. With carwashing there is always something new - a tough stain, a bunch of ground in mosquitoes on the grill. Keeps me on my toes."
While he wants to keep his options open, Hagerott stated that he looks forward to starting a book on US military sayings that has the working title "You Got to Be in It to Win It: How to Mask Your Inadequate Leadership Abilities by Using Military Sayings and Annoyingly Referencing your Service in Uniform."
The position may be difficult to fill given North Dakota's traditionally low unemployment.
Another barrier is open records laws that makes all applicant names public. "What!?!," said Larry upon learning of the law. "No way I'm upsetting Mr. Sampson (Gold Coin Afternoon Assistant Manager). He's pretty sensitive about commitment and has spent a lot of time teaching me how to do this right. He treats me well and is actually a very good leader."
"He lets me do my job and is flexible with my schedule as I finish my Master's degree. He's never gone on ragging about chickenshit like I heard they now do over in the University System." Larry explained that chickenshit is a term used to describe focusing on petty insignificant issues, a definition he during his two tours in Iraq with the North Dakota National Guard.
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Last edited by Bison bison; 07-22-2016 at 08:47 PM.
Many thousands are in want of common necessaries; hundreds of thousands are in want of common comforts, sir."
Scrooge-"Are there no prisons?". "Plenty of prisons..."
Scrooge-"And the Union workhouses." . "Are they still in operation?". "Both very busy, sir..."
"Those who are badly off must go there."
"Many can't go there; and many would rather die."
Scrooge- "If they would rather die," "they had better do it, and decrease the surplus population."
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