Originally Posted by
Bison Loaf
My Dearest Delinquent Thunderstruck Makers,
Okay, Okay. We finally admit that our membership dues are way, way down this year. In fact, we've now gotten to the point in which we have NO Members In Good Standing at all. And even as it's been well documented over the years (by us) that we are preaching to a bunch of cheap bastards in this AC/DC-led choir, we are going to magnanimously take the high-road on this one (as usual), and place no undue blame upon you personally at this given time. Officially, we'll continue to use the "science-based" approach of the Covid Pandemic as the cause of our severe financial hardship ...... and possibly just a little because we've technically not brought AC/DC in here yet as promised ....... and MAYBE just another skoash more because we inexplicably did that whole dumbass kneeling thing during the Thunderstruck Intro a while back.
But now, as we look ahead to a brighter future this fall, with a return to tailgating and a return to a greater-than-zero chance that AC/DC finally shows up this time, it behooves us to get the word out about our very reasonable membership dues packages that make all the magic happen here at ThM.
Below you'll find our official dues structure. We ask that you study it carefully and pick a package that fits your needs the best, while letting us know how we can get the funds out of your bank account as soon as possible ........ BUT while you're doing this, and we can't stress this enough, don't ever call us. Ever. For our part of the bargain, we'll give you a great membership experience, and we'll promise that the non-payment bullshit that you've pulled in the past will be forgiven for eternity, or at least until we need to use it against you sometime in the future, whichever comes first.
Now THAT'S a deal you just can't afford to pass up!
Fiscally Yours in Advance,
Loaf
Thunderstruck Makers Annual Dues Chart
Member in Good Standing, No Additional Benefits (except for a totally awesome window sticker) ... $50
Member in Good Standing, With Permission to Wear Virtue-Signalling Covid Mask on your Faucian Facial Features ... $750
Member in Good Standing, With Permission to NOT Drink Alcohol (??) ... $1,000 (+ $400 for emergency couseling fees)
Member Not in Good Standing, But is a Really "Fit"-Looking, Non-GA Tailgating Lady Under the Age of 60 ... $0** (** Discreetly display tattoos on an interesting body part, and we'll end up paying YOU!)
Member in Good Standing, With a Friday Night "Defund All Security Personnel While We Park 'n Party" Pass ... $500
Member in Good Standing, With a Saturday Morning "Early-Entry, Stay in the Damn Vehicle, No Drinking-In-Line" Pass ... $250
Member in Good Standing, With a Saturday Morning "Early-Entry, Stay in the Damn Vehicle, Heavy Drinking-In-Line" Pass ... $400
Member in Good Standing, With a Saturday Morning "Early Entry, Roam the Grounds Freely, Full and Excessive Drinking" Pass ... $600
Member in Good Standing, With a Saturday Afternoon, "Show Up When I Want, Budge in Line Like an Asshat" Pass ... $750
Member Not in Good Standing, But Is an Uppity Rich Bastard Loaded with F-U Money and an F-U Attitude ... $5,000
Member in Good Standing, With a 1-Year From Now Expiration Dated Ticket to the AC/DC Live Intro and Meet 'n Greet ... $1,000 (No refunds please, we can't control headstrong rock bands, FFS!)
Member in Good Standing, With a 10-Years From Now Expiration Dated Ticket to the AC/DC Live Intro and Meet 'n Greet ... $2,500 (If it doesn't happen within this time period, we'll be long gone!)
Member in Good Standing, With a Non-Expiration Dated Ticket to the AC/DC Live Intro and Meet 'n Greet ... $5,000** (** Does not include AC/DC event fees, obviously)
Member in Good Standing, With a Full 7-Minute Annual Personal Audience with ThM Supreme Head Honcho Bison Loaf (not available to current or recent GA Tailgaters, nor does it include alcohol) ... $5,000
Member Not in Good Standing, But with Impressive, Full-Size, Big-12-Level Pom-Poms out in Full Glorious View ... $5 (but easily waived if necessary)
Member in Good Standing, With Full Benefits and Limited Access to the ThM Hospitality Tent (but we retain the right to put you to work) ... $7,500
Member in Good Standing, With Full Benefits and Unlimited Access to the ThM Hospitality Tent (but within reason, dammit) ... $10,000
Member in Good Standing, With Full Benefits and Unlimited Access to the ThM Hospitality Tent, and Weekly (yes, we said Weekly!) 15-minute bull sessions at Bison Loaf's Reserved Drink Table to enjoy his Witty Banter and NSFW Comments ... $15,000
Legal Disclaimer - ThM Annual Dues Packages are NOT Available To Prospective Members that:
1. Are NOT willing to follow all ThM decrees and pronouncements blindly and robotically for your own damn good (The good news is that based on the recent Covid lockdowns and mandates, that's not many of you!)
2. Have been a General Admission Tailgater within the past 10 years.
3. Have accidently burned random stuff to the ground and rioted peacefully within the past 365 days.
4. Have an oversized wallet connected to a big-honkin' chain that's coming halfway out of your back damn pocket.
5. Have ever been to a Barry Manilow concert, or ever thought about attending a Barry Manilow concert, for whatever reason what-so-ever, what the hell were you thinking.
6. Have ever worn Bermuda shorts or a paisly blue leisure suit.
7. Have forgotten the words to the pre-Back in Black-era AC/DC classics sung by the late great Bon Scott. (Time for you to grow up and start taking Rock & Roll seriously, for chrissakes!)
8. Have black eyeliner running down your cheeks when it rains or when you cry.
9. Are not in full support of an initiated measure to use tax dollars in bringing women's beach volleyball to the West Lot during tailgating.
10. Believe that this whole "AC/DC to the West Lot" thing is one big, premeditated, elaborate scam.