AC/DC to the West Lot.........rumors

[Bison Loaf]

Is it the Semi-Finals yet?! Is it Friday Night Lights!? Is it time to tailgate all day and enter the Fargo Dome in the dark?! Is the cold weather here with the snow falling, and Christmas just around the corner?! Is fearful Southern Speed and never-before-seen Southern Physicality knocking on our doorstep?!!

Ahhhhh, yes, you say.................................then it must be BISON Time!! You all know what to do.

[Bison Loaf]

Happy New Year, Bisonville!


The Thunderstruck Makers (ThM) 2016 Year In Review..................(aka, The Annual Company Line on "Why Shit Didn't Get Done")

January - While the Bison are busy winning a record-smashing 5th straight national football championship, Thunderstruck Makers is already working behind the scenes glad-handing Frisco politicians, luminaries and strip club ownership, in it's tireless efforts to get AC/DC in for a live Thunderstruck performance in Fargo. Not a single bit of these efforts work, but hey..........did we mention strip clubs?

February - AC/DC actually makes a regular concert tour appearance at the FFD on February 11th and rumors run rampant that ThM can reach a deal with the boys. Disaster strikes, however, when the unidentified ThM executive honcho in charge of the deal, imbibes in a little too much pre-concert drinking and ...........in the irony of all ironies............gets caught in the middle of a Fargo railroad tra-ack (Thun-der!), missing the concert and the critical negotiation time. These developments are quickly and properly hushed up to membership.

March - Crisis rears it's ugly head as NDSU's school song comes under fire, and then AC/DC lead singer Brian Johnson leaves the band due to severe hearing loss. Sensing an exploitive opening here, ThM ends up over-playing it's hand by attempting to have one of it's highly-valued (and highly compensated) honchos (who remains nameless to protect the guilty) try out for the lead singer slot, while demanding the song "If You Want Blood, You've Got It" be given as NDSU's new school song, in return for "saving AC/DC's ass". Law enforement is called and talks are immediately terminated.

April - Axl Rose is controversially hired as AC/DC fill-in front man, and ThM quickly and angrily pulls it's offer off the table to have the band come in for a live tailgating performance. Angry words are exchanged on both sides and, in a textbook case of "boys will be boys", band members and the still nameless ThM honcho resort to heated fisticuffs, followed quickly by a couple of cold brewski's and some laughs at a local pub..........and a long night of slumming debauchery. A deal is still not reached, but is much closer.

May - Attempting to leverage the Carson Wentz draft hype and pub(licity), ThM gets serious in it's squeezing of AC/DC by the balls, and starts to sign potential back-up acts to replace them. In addition, another ill-fated attempt is made at replacing Axl Rose with an extremely talented ThM frontman (who remains nameless, dammit). Negotiations unexpectedly take a turn for the worse.

June - ThM honchoship's understandable but clandestine heavy drinking issues, coincidently start to get out of hand just as ThM is securing the national tailgating rights to 'Thunderstruck Tequila'. As vital communications to membership........ and the delicious inventory of said tequila ....... starts to disappear, the State Board of Higher Tailgating (SBOHT) steps in and sends ThM honchoship on a forced vacation. AC/DC negotiations now come to a complete standstill.

July - Certain ThM personnel (under the privacy protections of HIPPA law) return from their forced vaction well-rested and partially sober. But crisis rears its ugly head again when AC/DC bassist Cliff Williams announces his retirement from the band at the end of the tour. ThM again sends in emergency personnel for an uninvited.... but rockin' ...... bass-playing audition, and.....well..... sometimes, good-intentioned favors just go under -effin-appreciated. Lawsuits are now threatened on both sides.

August - In an effort to get "publicity-shy" AC/DC back to the bargaining table in time for this Bison football season, ThM honchoship issues new media rules and policies, after which, the "hard-working" local media types go completely ape-shit. SBOHT steps in again with another forced vaction, a severe scolding, and the imposition of double-secret probation until November, at the earliest. As a result, AC/DC negotiations break off entirely, and the now fragile ThM membership is rightly kept in the dark about it.

September - While drying out (again), ThM honchoship gets a generally half-assed, but surprising endorsement from the band members themselves. With the football season still early, this re-kindles hopes for the long-awaited AC/DC appearance. Logistically, however, time for a deal has run out for this season, but again, ThM membership is humanely kept in the dark. In the meantime, ThM makes a "comeback" of sorts down in Iowa City, Iowa............. winning the tailgate on a last second liquor run, and then announcing future home tailgates held away from home.

October - In an effort to cover their asses, ThM appoints a committee to study the relatively minor issue of a $1.4 million budget deficit that was somehow leaked to a pissed off press. The committee, however, ends up hastily and miraculously opting NOT to make cuts in membership services, but to actually spend MORE money (and incure more debt) on all things AC/DC. Deeply touched, the boys in the band call and want to rekindle negotiations for 2017.

November - Just as the secret 2017 AC/DC appearance negotiations are heating up, the SBOHT forces the selection of an ill-advised Tailgating Appearance Selection Committee that ranks Barry 'Friggin' Manilow ahead of AC/DC. ThM brilliantly orchestrates a campaign of bribing, blackmailing, terrorizing and bullying the committee into finally getting it right, and Thunderstruck is quickly re-instated. This results in a lifetime contract renewal for ThM honchoship, as the idiots at SBOHT finally wave the white flag.

December - Membership is now aware that AC/DC won't be showing up again in 2016, but place no blame on their own beloved honchos. Simultaneously, rival SDSU tries to pull a "fast one" in the playoffs, by attempting to get Thunderstruck dropped from the pre-game festivities. War is officially declared and ThM quickly mobilizes the troops, getting the NCAA to reverse it's own stupidity before the week is out. Behind the scenes, both UND and AC/DC are greatly impressed by this show of institutional power. Predictably, however, UND whines and cries about it, but AC/DC ends up starting an untraceable rumor that things are looking good for 2017!

[Bison Loaf]

BREAKING: Fargo honcho named as one of two finalists for top UNI tailgating post

It has been learned that the iconic head honcho of the much-revered Thunderstruck Makers organization, Bison Loaf, has been named as a finalist for the top tailgating job at UNI, currently known as "Tales of the Crypt" tailgating. It is not known whether this is a serious move on Loaf's part, but it is known that he has had numerous run-ins with the State Board of Higher Tailgating (SBOHT) in the past, and his lifetime contract was only just renewed this past November after a contentious delay of 5 long months.

UNI has been desperate to match NDSU's nationally-known tailgating atmosphere over the years, and it was learned that 5 of their overall 8 "inner circle" tailgating members were putting a lot of pressure on the Fargo legend to come aboard. "He's just full of a lot of stuff, that's all.", exclaimed one googly-eyed UNI booster that was "in the know" about these stunning developments. "Even if he turns us down, we've already got a lot of great ideas from his fertile mind. For one, he recommended that we change our name to "Garage Band Pre-Game", thinking it would go very nicely with the highly decorated "garage-door" football that we play down here. He's brilliant, I tell you, just brilliant!"

Asked if UNI would make a play for a live AC/DC Thunderstruck performance if they get their man, our source was non-commital. "Loaf didn't sound too keen on the idea, but DID think that he could get Whitesnake in here to sing 'Don't Break My Heart Again' and develop a really cool intro around it." At this point, the insider was also asked if their rival's top man might simply be "toying" with them for his own personal amusement and enjoyment. "Oh........I don't think so..........it's pretty obvious that this guy is serious in everything he does, so I think we've got a real legitimate "big-fish" on the hook for our program."

Nobody at Thunderstruck Makers could be reached for comment.

[Green1]

Oh geez! This is just what the State Board of Higher Tailgating wants! If Loaf leaves, we will never find a tailgater that could replace him. Doom, I say! Dooooooom!

[Vet70]

Oh geez! This is just what the State Board of Higher Tailgating wants! If Loaf leaves, we will never find a tailgater that could replace him. Doom, I say! Dooooooom!

I say we take our chances.

[Bison Loaf]

Oh geez! This is just what the State Board of Higher Tailgating wants! If Loaf leaves, we will never find a tailgater that could replace him. Doom, I say! Dooooooom!

I say we take our chances.

[Bison Loaf]

I'm a little surprised, and frankly, terribly disappointed, that some of our top-notch minions and secret operatives haven't submitted this entry for a back-up act in 2017. What the hell are we paying you people for?!

Although we all know that it is pretty damn likely that AC/DC will, FINALLY, show up in 2017, we can't be resting on our previous excellent reputations and laurels around here. It's 2017 and………..I dearly hate to say this, but……….. we are NOT the Champs anymore. Time to get back to work, dammit!

[Bison Loaf]

While the rest of you puds have been spending this early off-season chasing rumors of ill-gotten rival recruits, complaining about the amount of room allocated at the SHAC for your big American butts and thighs, and continuing to bad-mouth an offensive coordinator who has gone 40-5 with 2 National Championships in the last 3 years ………………….we here at Thunderstruck Makers have been busy scouring the globe for potential backup acts for a 2017 tailgating appearance.

Hot Damn!………….We may have just hit the jackpot!

Now, I know we all love the Gold Star Marching Band and what they bring to our atmosphere and our tailgate. OK sure, admittedly………we don't love them nearly as much as Jacksonville State loves their own gargantuan band , nor do they come even close to the stature and reverence we place on our beloved AC/DC boys around here………………..but we do still very much appreciate the GSMB coming out to Thunder Tundra^™ and marching up and down the rows for all of us!

So, having now adequately covered myself with all that politically-correct bull-crap, check out this "bad boy" submitted from one of our rising-young-star Spanish operatives. The kid can't speak a word of friggin' english, and - truth be told - we are a little concerned that he might be a closet communist activist…………….but what the hell, hey!……………………the kid sure has a fine ear and sharp eye for great music and audience participation acts (keep watching after the break)! Have a look-see:


http://video.dailymail.co.uk/video/m...7781529609.mp4

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/video/new...uck-track.html

[Bison Loaf]

Lord knows I've got a lot on my plate these days, but....................in light of this week's conference developments, I thought it would be a really nice gesture for us to properly welcome back our old rivals into the fold. (OMG, Loaf! That damn SBOHT has really done a number on you!) What better way to say "I Love You" than with a song?!

As such, I've taken the liberty to spare no expense in commissioning a beautiful musical piece that will be played by either AC/DC or one of our delicious backup acts........................as a "victorious-return march anthem" when our beloved Fhawkers come to town again.

Enjoy it, my long lost brothers, you deserve it! And don't worry yourself over the fact that you return with your tail between your legs. Nobody even notices!


We're following the Bison, the Bison, the Bison
We're following the Bison, wherever they may go.
We won't ever admit it, admit it, admit it,
We won't ever admit it, 'cause that's not how we roll.

Were dumb, so dumb, so freaking annoyingly dumb
But let's, move on, forget all that crap we've done.
We want, to be, your tag-a-long brother again
Cuz our program's in a shambles and we need you for a mend. So.....

We're following the Bison, the Bison, the Bison
We're following the Bison, wherever they may go.
We're done fighting the "Injuns", the "Injuns", the "Injuns",
We're done fighting the "Injuns", that nickname took it's toll.

Dee One, Great West, the Summit and MVFC
We did, not know, but now we can clearly see.
We mocked, your moves, each step alaw-ong the way
But we all know it was you who put us in our place today. Yep.......

We're following the Bison, the Bison, the Bison
We're following the Bison, wherever they may go.
To us we're still the flagship, the flagship, the flagship,
To us we're still the flagship, our fans will never know (shhhhh).

Now let's, get back, to everything at the rink
Because, we know, the rest of our programs stink,
And when, it's time to follow the Herd again......oh
We'll piss and moan and bitch for sure, but never stray again! Cuz....

We're following the Bison, the Bison, the Bison
We're following the Bison, wherever they may go.
We won't ever admit it, admit it, admit it,
We won't ever admit it, 'cause they still run the show!

[Bison Loaf]

Dammit!! I am sorry to say that.........once again.........we were afforded NO Signing Day Coverage by the local media ("hard-working" my ass!) for our most recent crop of Thunderstruck Makers recruits. But, I want to assure you that our recruiting efforts never stop, and even though we are only allowed 5 scholarships by the SBOHT........AND can't get the media powers-that-be to show any interest.............I think this recruiting class was a big 5-star homerun!


Introducing your 2017 ThM recruits:


HerdBoy - Musical boy wonder with a strong passion for loud classic rock and AC/DC. Could provide much need overall depth in the honchoship ranks someday. Has no hearing left, but can finger-sign with the best of them, especially the middle one. Tailgated for Coach John "Baby" Backribs in high school, and was named first team All-Conference and All-State in each of his seasons there. Parents are HerdCow and HerdBull, who both attended NDSU on a bovine scholarship. Also had offers from The Catttleman's Association, Bonfest, National Alcohol Distributors, Decrepits for Rock, and Grillmasters 2000.


BlueBisonRock - A specialty athlete well known for his expertise at the camera lens. Will provide a much needed sense of historical documentation and legal cover to ThM clandestine activities with his shutter skills. Also drinks like a fish, which never hurts. Will definately play right away. Tailgated in high school for Coach Tony "What Happens at Tailgating, Stays at Tailgating" Corleone. Was named All-Conference and All-State on Special Teams in his last 3 varsity seasons. Known to have nerves of steel when the tailgate is on the line. Parents are YellowBisonPebble and GreenBisonStone, who were known for picking NDSU's school colors while there. Also had offers from Polaroid, Orange is the New Black, AA, The Federal Penal System, and Frisco, TX.


IzzyFlexion - Multi-talented tailgater who can occupy many different positions at once (TWSS), but most valuable in the female social arena and the naughty-joke-telling role of an organization. Tailgated for high school coach Larry "Woody" Hardshaft and was originally named as an All-Stater his senior season until an unfortunate incident with a rival's cheerleading squad led to his being stripped of his award, his clothing, and his dignity. Parents are Jenna Jameson and Larry Flynt. Also had offers from Playboy, The Association of Divorce Attorneys, Breast Implants United, and Cialis.


TransAmBison - Well known for his skills in unusual tailgating wear and undrinkable homemade beverages. Will be a great addition to the organization, once he finally matures. Will definately redshirt for at least his first 3 seasons, and then we'll hope for the best. Tailgated for Coach Bud "Double Shot" McClusky in high school. Was All-Conference his senior year, but only 2nd Team All-State that same year when a bad batch of brew for his final home tailgate made hundreds of people sick. Parents are AMCPacerBison and EdselBison. Also had offers from Hot Rod Magazine (not to be confused with Hot Bod Magazine), Gucci, Horny Bison Tailgating (offer was rescinded), Fuzzy Wuzzy's, and the American Gold Dental Association.


BisonVet - The cream of this years recruiting crop, once had no interest in coming aboard ThM, but was able to be flipped by a tremendous recruiting campaign of irresistable charm and substantial bribes. Has a sarcastic sense of humor that no one understands and a great affinity for spinich dip and Jagermeister. Not a great overall talent, and has no discernable skills, but as a much "older" recruit has lots of "experience" that the young recruits can make fun of........er, I mean, learn from. Tailgated for Coach Sonny "VietCong" Hinkle in prep school. Did not win any major tailgating awards while in high school, but did win an all-expenses-paid trip overseas to a far east "hot" spot. Parents are BisonWAC and BisonGunny. Also had recruiting offers from: none known at this time (maybe UND, but doubtful).



Please join me in welcoming these outstanding young tailgating talents to Thunderstruck Makers! "Once a Thunderstrucker, always a Thunderstrucker!"