Hey! All You Former Thunderstruck Makers. Listen the Hell Up!
I'm only going to say this one damn time and then I'm gonna start cracking some heads.
Bison Loaf is gone. Finished. Finito. Kaput. Frankly, I never could see what you all saw in that dumbass anyway, but regardless, his days of so-called 'leadership' are over. There's a new sheriff in town (not that we're advocating any type of funded law enforcement with that remark), so you'd better start getting used to that fact, now! I don't want to ever see or hear the name "Bison Loaf", "Thunderstruck Makers", 'ThM", "Loaf", or most especially, the extremely irritating term of "Loafy", ever ever again. EVER. Yes, I know we are still using their old BV account, name, and avatar, but only because we can't seem to figure out how to change the damn thing (it's like they had everything hardwired into the software code AND in our collective subconsciousness, the diabolical bastards), and the BV moderators refuse to help us remedy this unfortunate situation. Don't worry, though, we'll deal with Roadwarrior and his ilk at a future time of our own choosing.
In the meantime, me and my evenly-represented, carbon-neutral, fully masked, genderless crew are making a few changes around here that we're sure you will like.
1. AC/DC is finished. Their music sucks, and they are misogynistic & homophobic. We will be re-focusing our efforts around the one and only Barry Manilow from now on. You will now be required to lovingly refer to us as Manilow Makers (MM) from this day forward. Expect news about a Gameday Live Intro, Concert, and Meet n' Greet coming from this supremely talented gender-neutral icon in the very near future.
2. We have already cut off all talks with the Big-12 Conference. Screw them! (and I don't mean that in a sexist sort of way) From now on, we'll be focusing our efforts on (1) C-USA, or (2) a reformatted and reborn NCC, or (3) the Northern Sun Conference, provided, of course, that all of these conferences can provide for a completely gender-neutral tailgating experience for our constituents.
3. We have immediately taken down the restrictive barrier walls that the old regime put up between Reserved Tailgaters and General Admission Tailgaters. GA tailgaters will now have all of the same rights and benefits of Reserved Tailgaters, but without any of the cost. Reserved Tailgaters will have the same opportunities as anyone else, but will not be allowed to move to the GA ranks and pay nothing, and must continue to pay all fees that they have paid before, plus pony up for the GA's to boot. Fairness is hard, people. Get over it!
4. Mullets and keychains attached to oversize wallets are now acceptable and in some cases (but not all) even encouraged as clothing ware in the West Lot. Country music is also now allowed but not necessarily encouraged in any way, shape, or form. Additionally, use of the terms bitches, meat, pom-poms, urinal, pass play, or "That's What the Birthing Vessel Said!" (TWTBVS) are no longer allowed on any Manilow Makers (MM) operated premises or sites.
5. The Dippin' Dots will now be color-neutral, odor-neutral, and taste-neutral. Their spoons will not be a problem anymore because there will be no spoons to use at all. Such devices are now considered bourgeois phallic symbols for all of us to despise and hate.
6. Masking will be mandated in the West Lot from now on. If we're gonna do the right thing and let GA Tailgaters in with everyone else, there's going to be germs. A LOT of germs. So let's be smart about this and follow the science, shall we?
7. The Bison Flag will no longer be allowed in the West Lot. Because this flag is a symbol of extreme power over the poor defenseless creatures of FCS, we can no longer allow these flags to wave while our opponents feel unwelcomed and uncomfortable in their presence.
Well, that's a start, people. And a damn good one at that. So, get to it. The season is just around the corner. We'll have more rules, pronouncements, and executive orders in the coming weeks. Oh, and you're welcome.
Yours in Unbridled Intoxicating Power,
Bison Loofa
Chairman and Dicktator
The Manilow Makers Contra Rebel Military Junta