AC/DC to the West Lot.........rumors

[Bison Loofa]

Well the good news, Manilow Lovers, is that we haven't heard from that other asshat in a couple of weeks now, so either (1) the few remaining retained bodies in our IT department have finally done a good job of shutting down the cyber hacking from London, or (2) the poor bastard has finally succumbed to all of the heinous torture that he's obviously (and deservedly) being subjected to, or (3) there has been a recent psychiatric intervention in the matter that has somehow cured the dual personality bullcrap.

Either way, it's a welcome relief!

The bad news, however, is that I, for one, am getting pretty damn sick and tired of all this nonsense making the rounds out there in the online tailgating community (which we now fully control with an iron fist) that the Great Manilow's work is not very conducive to getting people hyped up with parody revenge lyrics to classic tunes.

So ... for those that MIGHT be thinking that Manilow is not up to the expected high standards of winning Bison football and online tailgating organizations .............. Suck On THIS Bone: (that's a dog reference, obviously, sheesh people )

Loofa



"This One's For You, Doggy-Do's!" .........(The Bootleg "Return to SIU" Version)......................................

Last time there we really fell
Triple masked around the land
Must not have been feeling well (cough, cough, wink, wink)
Cuz we stunk it up so grand
But we remember what went down
And now we're back to kick some ass
So, this one's for you
This one's for you

Covid was Science then
Social Justice at it's height
We found that a woken team
Can't even block or tackle right
But that's behind us now we're told (?)
And all the Tik Tok stars are gone
So, this one's for you
This one's for you

This one's for you
So don't even start
To say that last year's playoff punch
Makes us even on our part
It's time to pound the shit out of you
Bag it up and wrap it nice
Make you sit in your own home poo ...... oh ohh

We've won it all it seems
Except our game with you that spring
Such things need a reckoning
When you're the undisputed King
So just go down and grab your knees
And simply take what's coming due
Cuz, this one's for you
This one's for you

This one's for you
So take it to heart
But don't take it so damn personal
When we're tearing you apart
Forgive us NOT ... for what we will do
Our worst loss in a "century"
Is about to come home to you ..... oh ohh

This one's for you
So let's make it quick
Can we both agree to a running clock?
Don't want to look like a dick ..... oh ohh
This one's for the Covid crap we went through
Fauci Law, those Mandated Jabs
And The Loss we had to you!!!! Oh Ohh

This ones' for you, Doggy-Do's!!

[Rock]

July - After much pissing & moaning, cussing, and tantrum-throwing, ThM begrudgingly hauls their asses back into their stale and stinky bunker offices and immediately produce an Instant Classic for the 4th of July holiday ... "Thunderstruck the Beautiful". Heartfelt weeping can actually be heard across the entire faux tailgating nation over this majestic piece of sh..eet music. BUT, never ones to rest on their laurels until they are actually done resting on their laurels, ThM gets word of a terrifying emergency and goes immediately into action over an ominous viral development ... the Delta Variant of Barry Manilow Music (AKA the Manilow Variant)! Given the severity and danger of this musical variant, it actually turned out to be a good thing that The-Powers-That-Be at the State Board of Higher Tailgating (SBOHT) went to court and forced Thunderstruck Makers back into work this month "over their dead bodies".

August - With just a month left until fall tailgating season begins, ThM pre-emptively mandates two new AC/DC sponsored beers to be drunk exclusively in the West Lot this fall because they are potent elixirs proven (it's science, people) to combat the dreaded Manilow Variant. Of course nobody listens or complies with the mandate anyway as they continue to drink Truly's, White Claws and other dangerous crap that actually attracts Manilow like flies. ThM rightly blames Fauci for the stunning lack of people following good science these days, and promptly counters such insolence by promulgating fear porn in the form of a Church Organ Cover of Thunderstruck. No, Manilow was not singing Thunderstruck this time, but if not for ThM it would only be a matter of time before he tries. C'mon people, pull your head out! Do you STILL think this stuff isn't scary? Dumbasses.

September - A start of a very confusing month as a new chant is heard in the West Lot, probably due to all the heavy-handed beer mandating (which is really fun to do, btw) and the science-based Manilow Variant fear. Small pockets of "F*ck Off Loafy (clap....clap.... clap, clap, clap)" could be heard around the West Lot, and somebody (it might have been Loaf, but there's no proof) readied the ThM nuclear weapons for imminent action. Cooler heads prevailed, however, as NORAD convinced ThM it was just a bunch of drunk college kids doing the chanting, so nothing to be worried about during the next round of ThM elections. On an completely unrelated note, Loaf, in his all beneficence, suddenly ends the mandates for all his free people in the West Lot to go back to adoring him ad hominem (again, this obviously does not include General Admission folks).

October - In order to further smooth some ruffled feathers among a pissed-off Membership group, ThM finally releases another AC/DC parody song - a Bon Scott classic, no less - for everyone to "get the hell over this Manilow scare thing and that stupid damn Loafy chant you're doing!". The new song "Tailgate" becomes another classic in a long line of classics at ThM (all legally actionable, sure, but classic none-the-less) that some say can even be heard in the foreign tailgates of Iowa State and Northern Iowa. (Are those nuclear weapons still armed, just in case?)

November - With the fall tailgate season halfway over, ThM decides to do what it does best during this time of year: deflect from the fact that there is no frickin' AC/DC again in 2021 (through no fault of ThM's, obviously, unless Loaf can find a fallguy within the organization itself - Hey, has anyone seen Chubs lately?) and the organization puts out a striking, thesis-level compendium on how to handle a hostile media, with their next NY Times best-seller: "Thunderstruck Makers Complete Guide of Answers to Stupid Media Questions".

December - Good Lord, the end of the year is here already, and a truly just and righteous person must honestly ask themselves this question: "What the hell HAVEN'T these guys done to make all of my tailgating dreams come true?" The answer, of course, is, "Not a damn thing." But that doesn't sound quite right, does it. It is inevitable, of course, that some people will nitpick the bejeezus out of every little thing that wasn't accomplished again for the umpteenth time (Dippin' Dot Spoons and West Lot Beach Volleyball come to mind immediately), but this has truly been another amazing year for this beloved organization ... the first, last, and only Online Tailgating Dynasty of it's kind. With AC/DC still squarely in Thunderstruck Makers liquor-induced blurry sight for 2022, ThM finishes the year defiant and strong by blowing it out AC/DC's ass with another KISS parody song (that oughta piss BOTH of them off! HA HA!) for the playoffs ... "Ground and Pound All Game".


Is 2022 the year our boys finally get this AC/DC thinga-ma-jiggy done? Better question is .... Do you even need to ask?

The Manilow variant is here to stay. Time to live in the new normal. The Copa Cobana variant is extremely powerful and an entirely new brand of subtle, artful, trolling. FBS LEVEL while committed to FCS FOREVER. All others may bow before the Mighty Bison as they bow before Barry plays. AC/DC to the west lot. To open for the real show. MANILOW to the REIGNFOREST TM.

This dream is like a River. Ever changing as it flows. All hail the new Loofa.

[Bison Loofa]

The Manilow variant is here to stay. Time to live in the new normal. The Copa Cobana variant is extremely powerful and an entirely new brand of subtle, artful, trolling. FBS LEVEL while committed to FCS FOREVER. All others may bow before the Mighty Bison as they bow before Barry plays. AC/DC to the west lot. To open for the real show. MANILOW to the REIGNFOREST TM.

This dream is like a River. Ever changing as it flows. All hail the new Loofa.

Finally!! Someone who can recognize a New World Online Tailgating Order when they see it. And, judging by the most recent Manilow Makers membership report sitting right here on my big fat executive mahogany desk, our first happy convert to the wonders of Manilowism.

But there WILL be more. The fact is, we just nailed the hell out of our shocking prediction for a blow-out at SIU with our parody revenge lyrics to Manilow's classic "This One's For You" (see above), and more and more stupid damn AC/DC people are starting to like the cut of Manilow Maker's jib.

Remember ...... We're Manilow Makers! ................ Ask for a blowout win of more than 1-point on the road, and we DELIVER it!

[TransAmBison]

I stopped by the Manilow Makers tent last tailgate. Loaf, ahem...I mean Loofa, was gettin' down to the music. Apparently nobody wanted to listen to Manilow, so he was forced to listen with ear buds. He was pretty stoked about the new wireless earbuds he was given. Trouble was, they were just some old headphones with the cord cut off. Didn't seem to stop him from hearing the music, though. It was only then I noticed his "cell phone". He had an old rotary style phone clipped to his belt. His tailgating group said he's pretty harmless, but you have to watch out for when he turns back into Loaf. He thinks he's on fire and takes off all his clothes and runs around in his tighty whiteys like Ricky Bobby.

[Bison Loofa]

I stopped by the Manilow Makers tent last tailgate. Loaf, ahem...I mean Loofa, was gettin' down to the music. Apparently nobody wanted to listen to Manilow, so he was forced to listen with ear buds. He was pretty stoked about the new wireless earbuds he was given. Trouble was, they were just some old headphones with the cord cut off. Didn't seem to stop him from hearing the music, though. It was only then I noticed his "cell phone". He had an old rotary style phone clipped to his belt. His tailgating group said he's pretty harmless, but you have to watch out for when he turns back into Loaf. He thinks he's on fire and takes off all his clothes and runs around in his tighty whiteys like Ricky Bobby.

Gosh darn it you pranksters! I KNEW instinctively that I was having trouble hearing Manilow's funky bass chords in those headphones, but everyone kept telling me I just had wax in my ears! You all got me real good this time!


Truth be told, however, this is a tough week for Manilow Makers. Our loyalties, frankly, are somewhat divided. If it weren't for our next opponent, the football team from Grand Forks, the Great Manilow might already be on the scrap heap of history by now.

But over the last decade or so, UND Football has almost single-handedly saved Manilow Music (and by extension, Manilow Makers) with their performance. While you damn heathens were playing around with the hellfires and eternal damnation of AC/DC's devil music, flippantly selling your souls for an unbelievable amount of football wins and national championships , the Fighting Grand Forkers were keeping the virtuous Manilow alive by their commitment to him, his music, and the stunning amount of scintillating moral victories they were able to achieve because of it.

Indeed, they were the first team to start using a Manilow intro ........... lighting the fires of the hundreds of fans that were at their games .............. and using that energy to actually keep a lot of those contests relatively close until halftime ........ before eventually falling apart into their loving coach's arms ....... just like a great Manilow tune.

They were the first team to secretly use genderless, contact-averse players, prancing around the field, lost and confused, until a desperate, emotional save was made at the last second, 50 yards down the field. Manilow would have been so proud.

And they were the first team to let the "so-called" dregs of the earth - general admission tailgaters (up there they're called "hockey fans") - into their facilities with welcome arms. The fact that they didn't HAVE any reserved tailgaters is completely irrelevant here, dammit. It's the thought that counts. Very progressive Manilow thinking indeed.

So, I've instructed our Manilow operatives to lay low this week. I think you can understand why.

[Bison Loofa]

I'm still here, people, working my ass off behind the scenes for a brighter, genderless tailgate, and a soothing Manilow crooned future ................... with no sign of that other AC/DC idiot anywhere.

So, two words ..... WINNING!

I am, however, starting to get a little frustrated over all the second-guessing, incessant bitching, and arm-chair dicktatoring that I'm hearing on the interwebs these days regarding my limitless leadership abilities. Why, just recently, I ran across this bunch-of-garbage disinformation thread that was somehow allowed to be disseminated on Manilowville .... that crazy-ass fan forum that's chocked full of crazy-ass posters with a million crazy-ass ideas about the world's greatest singer-songwriter.

"hAs lOoFa RuN tHiS OnLinE tAIlgAtiNg PrOgrAM iNTo THe gRroUNd??"

I mean ........ that's just full-on crazy, right?

Where are the old Twitter thought and expression censors when you really need them?

[Bison Loaf]

Dear Thunderstruck Makers,

I'm barely hanging on now. The Cheetos have run out, so the end is clearly within sight. I might have given up already except for this inspiring editorial in the Bisonville newsletter that some sympathetic angel slipped under my cell door the other day.

'Tis the season we live for. God Bless and never lose the faith.

Loaf



DEAR BISONVILE EDITOR:

I am 20 years old, a poor, drunk, and stupid NDSU college student.
Some of my equally stupid friends say there is no Thunderstruck Makers.
All the "old-timers" in the West Lot say, ‘If Loaf says it's so, it's 50/50 that it's so.’
Please tell me the truth; is there a Thunderstruck Makers?

VIRGINIA DUFENDORFENHEFFERHIEMER.
HOOPLE, ND


VIRGINIA, your friends are not only stupid, but wrong. They have been affected by the ravages of COVID science-mandators and deep, dark Manilow sleeper cells within all walks of our Tik-Tokking lives. They do not believe except in what government bureaucrats and disco progenitors tell them to believe. They think that nothing can be which is not voted on by the NCAA and then labeled FBS by a vast composite of woke university presidents. All minds, VIRGINIA, whether they be general admission tailgaters, mullet-wearers, or slutty trailer trash like yourself, are generally simple and weak. Indeed, in this great universe of ours, those not disposed to power football, classic rock, and reserved tailgating, are mere insects; cockroaches, as it were, in their apprehension of things, as compared with the boundless world about those that have taken it upon themselves to memorized the vast musical library of AC/DC, that magical depository of real truth and knowledge.

Yes, VIRGINIA, there is a Thunderstruck Makers. It exists as certainly as booze, Bison Football, and December playoff games exist, and you know that they abound and give to your life its highest sense of meaning and value, all for only a few thousand donated dollars a year (plus tax and 25% gratuity). Alas! How dreary would be the world if there were no Thunderstruck Makers. It would be as dreary as if there were no HOOPLE, ND. There would be no childlike and sophomoric humor to shake our heads over, no bastardized AC/DC lyrics in which we could purse our lips and say 'tisk, tisk', no complete irreverence for authority or sarcastic takes on tailgating life itself to make tolerable our wretched existence. We should have no enjoyment at all, except if you were a liquored-up Manilow lover, cluelessly shaking your shapeless, boney ass to a song with no backbeat at all. In short, the eternal light with which AC/DC music itself fills this world, would be extinguished, now and forever.

NOT BELIEVE IN THUNDERSTRUCK MAKERS! Holy Shit, girl! You might as well not believe in A-Gap Power! Oh sure, you might get your Dad with a shotgun, or the cops, or a corrupt legal system to try to catch Thunderstruck Makers in the act on a Saturday morning, but even if they did not see Thunderstruck Makers do anything wrong, immoral, or illegal, what would that prove? Nobody sees Bison Loaf and nobody ever finds the Thunderstruck Makers Hospitality Tent even when given specific directions, but believe me, that is no sign that there is no Thunderstruck Makers. The most real things in the world are those that neither general admission tailgaters, dumbasses from Hoople, or country music lovers can see. Did you ever see anyone standing on 3rd down in Section 21? Of course not, but that’s no proof that they might have done it once a long time ago. Nobody can conceive or imagine all the wonders there are unseen and unseeable in the world, without getting completely shnockered first.

You may tear apart the lyrics to Loaf's idiotic AC/DC parodies and see that they make no damn sense at all, but who's to say that the strongest man in the world might not weep in utter despair if such lyrics should ever disappear? (I'm mean really, who would ever say that?) Only a life of sex, booze, rock and roll, Bison football championships, West Lot tailgating, and sarcastic parody can dare push aside that hidden veil of Thunderstruck Makers and view the beauty and glory beyond. Is it all real? JFC, VIRGINIA, in all this world there is nothing ELSE real and abiding.

No Thunderstruck Makers!?! Thank God! It lives, and lives forever! A thousand years from now, VIRGINIA, nay, ten times ten effin' thousand damn years from now, Thunderstruck Makers will continue to make glad the hearts of ALL tailgaters (except general admission, of course) everywhere!

ROADWARRIOR
SENIOR EDITOR AND MODERATOR
BISONVILLE OPINION PAGE

[Rock]

To more clearly answer your question Virginia. ThunderStruckMakers is alive and well organized under the Great Manilow regime.

As ALL music is clearly blessed under and by Manilow himself, ALL forms of “rocking” and worship are permitted under the new law.

Loaf still has all authority under that reduced scope of the new FCS FOREVER agenda.

Thank you for your continued support, and Go Bison!

#WhoWritesTheSongs?

Feel free to send any and all funds to Manilow Makers as they will be distributed FAIRLY towards areas of focus that let the FBS know the Bison are too big for those bitches britches. #FCSorBUST TM

[Rock]

For example: a MANILOW tailgate won’t solely play Thunder Struck on repeat. Barry likes to rip rap rippity roo with something like this. Blessed to the Bison and “The Low”.

https://open.spotify.com/track/4f3NH...%3Atill%2Bi%2B

[Bison Loaf]

Dear Thunderstruck Makers,

Thank you all for your undying, unquestioning, totally blind, and unconditional support throughout these very trying times for Thunderstruck Makers. It appears that this may be my last communique and transmission from Radio Free Europe, as high-powered hostage negotiators from the UN and a crack team of number-crunchers from Ernst & Young are in talks, as we speak, with the Manilow Faction about my peaceful return to power by January 1,2023. Henceforth, this happy day will be forever know as V-ThM Day.

Even though I promised myself that this would not end until every last Manilow lover died violently in a stinking pile of their own vomit and dung, somebody somewhere briefly mentioned that a Nobel Peace Prize may be in the cards for me someday, so I graciously relented in my wrath over these bastard bloodsuckers, like the true statesman that I am. Of minor consideration to me was that somebody had also cut off my ThM paychecks like I was dead or something , and I couldn't, in good conscience, let THAT go on much longer - statesman or not!

Still, it's been a whirlwind year, fraught with uncertainty and doubt. It'll probably take some time for me to single-handedly build up ThM again to where it once was ....... the preeminent faux online tailgating organization in the world ...... but I think it's safe for your donations to start back up again. Indeed, I don't recall anyone ever asking you to stop them ........... dammit.

Anyway, you think YOU'VE had a stressful year?! Pfft. Get a load of this years "ThM Year In Review"!

In Gratefulness (that I could see the Big Picture),

Bison Loaf
Head Honcho and Odds-On Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Thunderstruck Makers