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Thread: AC/DC to the West Lot.........rumors

  1. #411
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    Default Re: AC/DC to the West Lot.........rumors

    Quote Originally Posted by I miss Chubs View Post
    You forgot to include Jill B. Pics?
    Dammit Chubs! I'm a gentleman. And ThM is a gentlemen's club!


    Wait...............that doesn't sound quite right.

  2. #412
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    Default Re: AC/DC to the West Lot.........rumors

    Do you know what my problem is? (And that was a rhetorical question, people!) My problem is that I'm too much of a problem solver.

    When our beloved ThM constituents have a problem ...................... regardless of however meaningless and first-world that problem may be ................. I immediately and resolvedly swing into action mode, in the following emergency-rehearsed order:

    1. Set my wake alarm for 10 am instead of 11 am.
    2. Wolf down a 4-course late breakfast/brunch .... expertly prepared by my state-subsidized chambermaid ..... for all-day problem-solving strength.
    3. Reluctantly start pondering the supposed "hot-button" issue that now unfairly confronts me.
    4. Proceed to a violent, but ultimately soothing and relieving, movement of my gurgling, irritated bowels, sometime after brunch.
    5. Practice my rock star AC/DC voice (among other things) during my long, hot, bi-annual shower.
    6. Continue to "deep-think" the now-revealed-as-complete-bullshit issue, over a late lunch charged to my voluminous ThM expense account.
    7. Ask myself whether or not the complainers in question are, indeed, even worthy of my own personal attention and intervention.
    8. Have a trusted minion check to see if these damn Trotskyites are paid up to date and/or may be potential large Big-12 donors.
    9. Make a final and irreversible gut-check call as to whether the hell I really want to bother myself with all of this so-called "helping people" crap.
    10. And finally, select a committee that can do the work, and take the blame, if things aren't resolved to everyone's guaranteed satisfaction.

    So, the current "problem" at hand is that some of you are beginning to speculate that .......... since we needed to take up ALL of our remaining general admission space in order to properly fit in the now greatly enlarged AC/DC Meet 'n Greet area for moneyed donors ........ it seems likely that there won't be any room, or time (due to the 5-mile long GA line), for the blue-collar Thunderstruck Intro fan to meet and greet, or even SEE, our Aussie rock legends.

    Well, I am here to assure you people, once and for all, without a question or a doubt, and upon my carefully-cultivated honor and reputation, that this vicious, ugly and extremely untimely rumor ............ is, as far as you and I know, more or less, soon to be revealed as ......... predominately true and accurate.

    Don't worry, however. We've made sure that the needs of our long lost GA brethren are covered, so that they won't feel like they've missed a darn thing! Indeed, we've already got a very serviceable and less expensive group (seen below) contracted to perform out in the Rugby Field for our greatly cherished GA crowd (remember, alcohol technically not permitted out there by the powers-that-be), at the same time AC/DC is entertaining the more important people closer to the Dome. By the time we set up that Rugby Field stage so far back from the electric fences and razor wire that GA will be required to view through (AND we smuggle in a few hundred cases of Thunderstruck Tequila back there) ..............most of those cheap, low-donation bastards won't be able to tell the difference between these guys and the authentic stuff anyway!

    Besides...........and here's the real ironic kicker..............the GA people will actually get a BETTER AC/DC-style voice to listen to, than the dumb asses out in the reserved area that will be waving their pathetic little cell phone lights to the ill-fitting vocal stylings of one Mr. Axl Rose, for stupidly ginormous amounts of donated dollars!

    Tah-Dah! Problem solved, crisis averted, everybody happy, event saved. JFC, I even amaze myself, sometimes!




  3. #413
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    Default Re: AC/DC to the West Lot.........rumors

    Calling all Thunderstruck Makers! Calling all Thunderstruck Makers! ThM is on High Alert. We repeat........ThM is on High Alert!!

    We have credible information from one of our secret operatives, that someone or something is going to attempt to sneak in Barry Manilow over in the East Lots, sometime in the very near future. Do not panic! We repeat......now is NOT the time to panic. For your protection, we here at ThM have already brought the heavy artillery out of our rented storage shed, and are ready to launch it at the slightest provocation. We do, however, think it would be wise for you to round up your women and children, and be vigilant as to their whereabouts during these dark and uncertain times. God help us if these lunatics actually succeed in this dangerous undertaking, and then somehow try to mix alcohol in the East Lots with this insidious and life-sapping music!

    Here is how you can help, and what to look for in thwarting this grave threat to our beloved tailgating atmosphere, culture and way of life. Report all sightings of the following suspicious activities immediately to your nearest ThM honcho (if you can find one)!

    1. Anyone yawning in the tailgating lots.
    2. A bunch of people with thick glasses and Bermuda shorts congregated together in one area.
    3. AC/DC songs and music being mocked in any way, shape, or form, especially by people in leisure suits.
    4. Anyone squeezing fresh papaya juice or grinding their own coffee beans, instead of pouring rot-gut liquor.
    5. Anyone that looks, sounds, or acts like the person in the video below, no matter how slight or innocent those mannerisms may appear to be.

    Thank you for your diligence, and we will notify you when the threat has been neutralized. If we are as successful in winning THIS battle as we have been in getting AC/DC to come in here , Then it certainly MIGHT be time to panic. But, until that time .............. Stay Strong and God Help Us Everyone!


    Last edited by Bison Loaf; 09-20-2017 at 08:59 PM.

  4. #414
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    Default Re: AC/DC to the West Lot.........rumors

    This................from the MVTC (Missouri Valley Tailgating Commission)


    Dear Thunderstruck Makers:

    Congratulations! You'll be pleased to know that we have approved your application for the use of game day noisemakers and other fan excitement tools. Your description of the large, jiggly and in-your-face "Rat-A-Tat-Tat Run Power FemBot-Poms" ....... sworn on your honor to have been a part of your tailgating scene since the "dawn of time"........... was both compelling and, strangely enough, erotically invigorating to all of our aging committee members. In addition, the "Thunder Simulation Stimulation Sticks" (of which we will NOT repeat your vivid description) have also been approved, but with some serious reservations on our part. Keep in mind, however, that the "Mark Farley Commemorative Whistles" are still under consideration, and have NOT been approved at this time, nor have the "Johnny Stig Sideline Return Duck Calls". We can also inform you now, that consideration of the "Gilligan's Gong Show Mini-Gongs", requested to be in place for UND's arrival to the conference and return to your Dome, have been tabled until further notice.

    Sincerely yours,

    Patty V.

  5. #415
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    Default Re: AC/DC to the West Lot.........rumors

    Meanwhile....................back at the Thunderstruck Maker's National Command Center and Organic Hemp/Home-Grown Vegetable Stand..............................we've finally hired a national (and expensive) promotional guy to perform a little magical marketing voodoo in an attempt to increase our donations from the 'mid-hundreds' to 'a few millions' in a surprisingly short period of time. The fact is, people, AC/DC isn't getting any younger, and the Big-12 isn't getting any better. Now is the time.

    On a side note, those of you that keep calling us about our supposed lack of professional marketing prowess and ingenuity ..................can now officially suck it.



  6. #416
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    Default Re: AC/DC to the West Lot.........rumors

    Well, this is very difficult..............and I know you people are not going to like this................but in an effort to stay ahead of the negative news cycle, here it is. The DEA busted in on ThM's secret Honcho Headquarters over the weekend, and the results of that raid were not at all pretty!

    No, no. They didn't find any drugs on the premises.............unless you consider numerous vials full of double strength Viagra to be "hard" drugs. What they DID find, however, and turned back into us with a snicker and a giggle before leaving, was maybe just as embarrassing for an organization like ours, one SO close to finally achieving all of it's audacious dreams and goals and becoming one of the premier constituent groups in the country that has such a signature, smug attitude about it.. #LeaveMuchDoubt

    So plug your nose for a moment, as I am duty-bound to report that the late-night, weekend raid yielded the following completely legal, yet totally disgusting items:

    2 Barry Manilow bootleg recordings
    4 Decks of Axl Rose Pinochle cards
    3 pairs of concert ear plugs (WTF?)
    1 Richard Simmons exercise video
    1 Expired Jacksonville State Marching Band membership card
    1 Justin Bieber song on a rogue MP3 player
    1 Recipe card for grilled tofu
    1 Subscription receipt to Tiger Beat magazine
    1 Unopened case of 3:2 beer and four empty cans of same
    3 Barf-inducing caricature drawings of a partially-naked TransAmBison
    2 Car window signs for the overnight GA lineup that say "Be Right Back, Thanks!"
    1 Graffiti damaged glamour shot of Samantha Ponder
    2 boxes of unused condoms
    1 Unsigned and undated letter to The-Powers-That-Be, begging for LESS alcohol around the Fargo Dome
    1 "Free Ride" ticket on the UND helmet car, personally signed by Bubba Schwiegert
    2 Cases of Cowbells (My God! How deep does this decadence go!)


    I can just imagine how totally disgusted and disappointed you all are right about now, and I suppose that you are thinking that this sort of thing must be endemic within this organization as a whole.............. and, to tell you the truth, we don't have a freaking clue as to what our people are doing either inside or outside of our eyesight. But we CAN remind you of four very important ThM crisis principles to remember at an embarrassing time like this.

    Crisis Principle #1. I will not resign.
    Crisis Principle #2. We continue fighting toe-to-toe to remain competitive in the AC/DC sweepstakes.
    Crisis Principle #3. Regardless of this or any setback, ThM is "killing it" in the area of honcho recruitment.
    Crisis principle #4. We can assure you that everything is always just fine, and things are always completely on track for the future.


    There.......(deep breath)........now that wasn't so bad, was it?

  7. #417
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    Default Re: AC/DC to the West Lot.........rumors

    Although that caricature had taken some artistic liberties, it should be considered art and is above your petty judgments. You will be hearing from Hailbison on my behalf.

    Notorious--Bisonville all-time POTY
    Proud member of TOHBTC[/B]


    On the Plains Nigerian Style

  8. #418
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    Default Re: AC/DC to the West Lot.........rumors

    Quote Originally Posted by TransAmBison View Post
    Although that caricature had taken some artistic liberties, it should be considered art and is above your petty judgments. You will be hearing from Hailbison on my behalf.
    Oh man, I really don't think you want to go toe-to-toe with me on art. It hasn't been by accident, my friend, that I have managed to parlay an "Art History/Indigenous Pottery/Color Pigments" triple major.... AND a "Comic Book Illustration" minor..... into my current star status as the leading faux tailgating organization CEO in modern sports history. For your own good, bow out of this one while you still can.

    As for my other friend Hailbison, even I must concede that he so brilliantly and defiantly "works in Profanity the way other artists might work in Oils or Clay. It is his true medium; a Master." As such, I do believe that I will ALSO take this opportunity to bow out of this one, while I still can.


    Played me to a draw this time. I'm mildly impressed.

  9. #419
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    Default Re: AC/DC to the West Lot.........rumors

    My Dear Fellow Thunderstruckers:

    I am often stopped......... as I'm coming out of my voluminous church worships, charity works or bible studies......... and asked, "Dammit Loafy, when in the hell are we finally going to get AC/DC out there in Thunder Tundra?"

    People, people, people ........................ I can only do so much with the resources that I have! Currently, for example, I am incurring an unfortunate and untimely rash of injuries to 11 of my first-line honcho underlings, with no pre-planning what-so-ever for adequately hiring or training backups in any of these positions going forward. Is that MY fault? I don't see how it possibly could be.

    Against my better judgement and contrary to ThM policy, however, I'm going to list these debilitating injuries for you, so that you damn "know-it-alls" can satisfy yourselves that none of them were frivolous, untoward, or due to improper supervision on anyone's part - especially mine. Sometimes, an organization JUST HAS BAD LUCK.

    My advice to you, then, is to relax, stay calm, stay the course, and stay off message boards! AC/DC will be here soon enough..................and then we can all get back to singing my glorious praises.

    Peace and Out,
    Loaf



    Thunderstruck Makers Injury Report (confidential and not for public dissemination, by order of the powers-that-be)

    Injured Honcho #1 - Broke two teeth holding a dollar bill in his mouth at a Twin Cities pole dance club.
    Injured Honcho #2 - Badly pricked a finger setting up an old-fashioned turntable at headquarters, so that we could play AC/DC vinyl records backward to get important spiritual messages from Bon Scott. (And yes, this honcho was a prick anyway, so no real loss there).
    Injured Honcho #3 - Has a severe sinus infection after stuffing whiskey-soaked Q-Tips up his nose and proclaiming "I Am The Walrus". (I know, doesn't make sense, but it was damn entertaining at the time! )
    Injured Honcho #4 - Broke a toe after literally kicking some neighborhood kid's ass for walking on his freshly mowed lawn.
    Injured Honcho #5 - Sprained a wrist and two fingers while enthusiastically flipping the obligatory bird at a Fawkers hockey game.
    Injured Honcho #6 - Severely cut both lips and gave himself an raging ulcer after "shot-gunning" a 3-year old can of Meister Brau.
    Injured Honcho #7 - Received a nasty groin injury - the circumstances of which are undisclosed due to privacy laws, the norms of simple common decency, and a spouse who just wouldn't quite understand the motivation.
    Injured Honcho #8 - Got loaded on pilfered Thunderstruck Tequila and injured a knee while late-night vehicle-surfing behind Bubba's helmet car in flip-flops during blow zero weather in Grand Forks (Side note: Was it really worth it, Mom?)
    Injured Honcho #9 - Hurt his brain trying to answer the Big-12 applicant screening questionnaire.
    Injured Honcho #10 - Slipped a disc in his neck after sleeping all night in his car in the GA tailgating line. (An invoice for health services has been sent to that "enemy of the common man", Pat Simmers)
    Injured Honcho #11 - And I kid you not, actually got struck by thunder one evening (that's right, he was Thunder Struck ) while out in a storm during a secretive and extremely inappropriate (but super fun) ThM hazing ceremony.

  10. #420
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    Default Re: AC/DC to the West Lot.........rumors

    Thunderstruck Makers is nothing if not sensitive to the needs of the down-trodden minorities in our ranks. Those that don't have a chance and those that don't have a clue. Those that are "different" from us, yet those that can see in their heart that they are both wronged and wrong. Those that are continually oppressed (even if for good reason) and those that will rise up and fight back against us one day. Sometimes they're hard to look at, but we must prod ourselves to NOT look away. Both groups are yucky and pathetic, but put them together and ................. well, it almost breaks a guy's heart.

    That's right, we of course are talking about our Country Music fans and GA tailgaters.

    Thunderstruck Makers fully understands the plight of these forgotten indigenous peoples, even if we don't understand why they're not donating more money to our AC/DC and Big-12 causes. Sure, they're never going to be allowed into our big extravaganza when it finally gets here, but we would never openly tell them that to their face, and besides, is that any reason not to throw a boatload of their own hard earned cash at OUR special needs?! Hell no!!

    But we digress.

    In a beautifully touching effort by us to make these groups feel good about themselves and be "cool" again, even if for a day, we offer the following tear-jerker. May God bless ThM and our wonderful PC concern for our fellow man!!

    It's Tailgate Time! (sung to the tune of Still Doin' Time by George Jones

    Has it been two weeks, since the last time Iíve been here?
    My God! I could swear itís been ten.
    And the ocean of liquor, I drink for my Bison
    Is gonna kill me, but Iíll drink Ďtil then.

    Iíve been living in hell. Herd away, almost fell.
    Not a toast, nor a boast, what a crime.
    But tomorrow, all my friends are right here
    Itís tailgate time!

    Chorus:

    Itís tailgate time, oh the West Lot is calling.
    Itís tailgate time, where the smack is appalling.
    My poor heart was breakiní, my fun had been taken,
    But tomorrow, when I wake up, Iíll be fineÖ.
    itís tailgate time!

    Oh, when you donít have a life, or youíve ticked off your wife,
    Itís the Bison that can make it all shine. 
    And tomorrow youíre gonna find me right hereÖ.
    itís tailgate time!

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