There is no doubt that we are currently twiddling our thumbs and scratching our bums more than we usually do around here at Thunderstruck Makers (and believe me, that's sayin' something), because let's face it people ......................... AC/DC is NOT coming ANYWHERE that has no tailgating, requires masks, and is in the midst of a lame-o, covid-induced spring football season! Even I don't have enough talent to pull that one off. (Wink, Wink)
But instead of sitting here feeling sorry for ourselves while we, indeed, actually sit here AND feel sorry for ourselves, we've decided that we've gotta be strong for the handful of people (sometimes even handfuls of people) that rely on us to show great leadership in these unique and trying times. And, sure, our call to action could partly be because the last of the liquor money finally ran out on us just last night, but mostly it's because of this whole "leadership is important" thing ......... ........ really.
So with that, we've decided it's now the right time to mea culpa on all the things that the Powers-That-Be have been pressuring us to say and promote publicly, in order to qualify for their public funding. Hell yes, we hate to do it, but Lord knows we can't go on very much longer with such parched throats and, I mean, seriously, how hard can it be? Therefore and whereas ...........
To All Thunderstruck Makers, Near and Far,
Here Ye Hear Ye, I, the incomparable Bison Loaf, your all-everything, dearly-beloved beneficent leader, does hereby make the following official pronouncements for your own damn good:
- A single line of entry into the West Lot is logistically adequate and morally defensible. (???? ......... Not gonna lie, this feels a little weird!)
- TAB is a really great guy. (Uh oh, something is not right!)
- We love the passing game. (My stomach is turning already!)
- Barry Manilow is talented and his songs are quite lovely. (Oh man, this is not going to end well!)
- I feel so safe now. We should wear masks ALL the time. (Must ... Stay ... Strong! For my people!)
- Certainly, we at ThM can enjoy tailgating without alcohol. (I'm not gonna make it folks! I'm not!)
- Two words. More Lee Timmerman. (Dammit, even my face is going numb!)
- Gosh, I wish those beach volleyballers would put on more clothes. (JFC, my nose is actually growing here!)
- We should definitely have more space for General Admission (GA) Tailgaters. (Oh hell, I think I'm gonna hurl!)
- Thank you for checking up again on my loud and noisy tailgate, Mr. Security Officer. (Yep there it is, barf all over my shoes!)
- I miss the days of playing UND for the Nickel Trophy. (When will this torture ever end!)
- The Powers-That-Be always have our own best interests at heart whenever they do something. (How does one ever come back from this kind of trauma!)
- We should really tone down that Thunderstruck Intro a wee bit. (Swing low, sweet chariot ...... comin' for to carry me home!)
- Always drink responsibly. (Dear Lord, come and take me now!!)
(A special note to all Members: Supreme Honcho Loaf will be resting comfortably for an unknown period of time - with full pay and benefits, of course - after getting a complete mental health workup and receiving emergency experimental therapy for recurring nightmares. Thank-you for your patience and concern. We'll let you know when the public funding arrives and "normal" activities can safely resume.)