Originally Posted by
Bison Loofa
Dear Manilow Makers,
We've been busy cleaning house around here the last month or so, and I do mean CLEANING HOUSE - not just people. The prior occupants were filthy pigs!
All of this is really hampering our efforts to bring the Great Manilow in for a West Lot Concert, Meet 'n Greet, and Game Intro. (The loss to Arizona didn't help either. Manilow only likes winners, dammit.)
You just won't believe some of the crap we've been cleaning up. First and foremost is ....... actual crap. Yes, there was a lot of animal feces lying about, as one might expect .... dog, cat, mice, bird, horse, snake, tarantula, even bison excrement (wasn't Corso missing for a day or two last fall?), but who would ever have expected human feces itself? I mean, how does that even happen, especially with 5 stolen West Lot porta-potties securely anchored in the living room? (No WONDER the lines are so long out there!)
There was also gum stuck under every piece of furniture in the place, including the greatly stained carpet. Food wrappers, candy wrappers, cigar butts, court summons, parking tickets, crushed beer cans, open beer cans, spilled beer cans, pizza crust, deodorant sticks, flossing sticks, used Kleenex, missing teeth, fake ID's, half-eaten Cheetos under and around everything, and ramen noodles seemingly stuck to every wall in the joint. Oh, and lots of joints too.
And all the pages of paper stacked around the place was a real fire hazard, I tell you ......... finished AC/DC parody lyrics, unfinished AC/DC parody lyrics, court orders about AC/DC parody lyrics, cease and desist notices, finished and unfinished parody lyrics on other songs from other artists, more cease and desist notices, love letters, dating profiles, "Dear John' letters, P5 Conference job applications, hate letters, letters to the editor, letters to the Governor, letters to the President, letters to Angus Young, letters to TAB, letters to Fanette, letters to Finn the Goldendoodle Stud, letters to CAS, letters to RTO, letters to Milli Vanilli on behalf of RTO, letters to Playboy, letters to Penthouse, letters to Bresciani, letters to Fauci, letters to Samantha Ponder, multiple restraining orders from Samantha Ponder, multiple general restraining orders, ransom notes both to and from, 'handsome" notes both to and from himself, and a boatload of resignation letters to the State Board of Higher Tailgating (SBOHT) - none ever finished, mailed or delivered.
(Deep Breath - Long Sigh) The fact is, it's going to take more time to get Manilow in here, people, and more donation money to finish this gigantic clean-up effort.
Yours is Cleanliness,
Bison Loofa
Merry Maid of Mayhem
Manilow Makers, INC.