Seeing as Bison football is two wins away from winning the NCAA Division I Football Championship, I decided to go back and read a funny, hilarious article from UND's student newspaper written the week we played our first DI game.

Here is the article, in its entirety:

Despite win, NDSU football still sucks

By Derrik T. Sovak
Published: Tuesday, August 31, 2004
Updated: Sunday, November 8, 2009 01:11


I thought that I might have trouble writing this column. But after I reviewed all the facts surrounding our overzealous neighbors to the south at North Dakota State, I realized that talking shit about them just gets easier and easier.

On Saturday, NDSU hosted Valparaiso to a crowd of just over 18,000. They absolutely stomped Valpo to the tune of 52-0. As I watched local sports highlights and saw all of the Bison players patting each other's back for the ousting, I wondered how they were going to look at themselves in the mirror without laughing.

Note to NDSU: Valparaiso offers no scholarships to their players. That means that they have less of a recruiting pool than Bethune-Cookman. Valpo also plays in the Pioneer Football League, which is almost as prestigious as NDSU's Great West Conference. Both these conferences look like the island of misfit schools. And when you get two teams like the Bison and the Crusaders on the field it's almost a toss up.

The Bison were a sub-par team in Division II football last year, and the Crusaders finished 8-4 without a playoff appearance last season. So what happened in Fargo on Saturday was as far away from amazing as you can get without actually being at the Neverland Ranch.

Everyone is so excited around the NDSU campus. Football means something to these people. But I feel it my duty to be the asshole and let them in on a little secret. For the next decade, NDSU football will be as arbitrary as paying .40 cents for ranch at Buffalo Wild Wings after running up a $500 bar tab.

Saturday's matchup was between two unranked schools in leagues that mean nothing to anyone. A win is a win but when I'd still rather watch a team of midgets play a team of chimpanzees.

This is an old argument. I said it last year, and it's no secret that I think NDSU's move to DI was a terrible decision. So I don't want NDSU to get their hopes up too high. If they really think that every team they play in that other Division is going to lie down and take it like its their first time, they're wrong.

Just like when the Bison were getting crushed by DII teams every weekend, they will face a team that hands them a 52-0 loss and then we in Grand Forks will hear the griping and crying from the south. And I can say proudly that I saw it coming.

On the other hand, UND had a barn-burner against Delta State - the number 2 and 10 teams in the country - in GF on Saturday. I witnessed great things in that game and there's a chance that we could see those teams meet again in the near future. Valpo won't be back in Fargo unless either they or the Bison need to fill their already defunct schedules next season.

I feel all warm and fuzzy inside knowing that at UND football still has pride. I like knowing that, even though we're "only Division II" we still can watch two ranked teams play in a city like Grand Forks. It makes for good football, which we won't see in Fargo for a long time.

It also came to my attention that NDSU has revolutionized college football by introducing something called tailgating at their games.

Take this as you may, but your football program is not going to prosper any faster just because some freshman had a beer before the game. I don't know about the rest of you guys, but I'm going to wait with bated breath for the Montana Tech game in a couple of weeks.

R.I.P. Bison Athletics.
It makes me feel very good to read it.